spse sucks

sorry for the lack of updates recently.. been rushing projs 24/7. wanted to update now but as usual something has to screw up n spoil my plans again.. yeah, its the cca. 'messy' is a v severe understatement n the underlying probs r getting sooo out of hand tt i wonder if tis is really the end of spse. n if anybody even bothers?

i'm sick. sick of everything n i dunno how long more can i stomach members approaching me with their unsatisfaction abt ---- n me being their bridge between them n the authorities. more than often, i'm juz the one who handles all the rubbish n unpleasant behind-the-scenes wrk. i face all the ugly faces, i get all the criticisms n black faces but i still hv to turn around n talk to the "in-charge" in a nice tone or i'll become public enemy no.1 juz coz it's my 'duty' to help serve them.

n with a com tt is complaining on both sides, having to smile while not not siding either is a horrible thing. esp with the recent sch burden starting to pile up, keeping a sane mind while handling politics is a chore. seriously, some ppl r super immature n irritatingly stubborn. many a times i juz feel like yelling: "tis is ur proj, can't u juz get something so simple done w/o involving so many ppl?" n then aft struggling to keep my tongue in check, spend an hr giving individuals counselling on their confidence lvl, get a whole lot of shit frm trying to help them with the proposal content, they tell u they wanna quit the proj a wk before the event. fuck. tis is not the standard i expect of position holders. if quitting is the best way out, hell, i wld hv quitted a million times over.

also, having to entertain calls frm ppl i dun even noe, meet up with organizations in the middle of my exam wk n remaining civil to a blundering officer is a nightmare. everyone tinks i'm having a blast. being the vp, getting to go redang, meeting all the top ppl, etc, etc.. u tink i give a damn abt all tis frills? try being me for one day! no one will understand how it is like to juggle academics with cca all the while battling emotional scars all bcoz of a promise i made to the graduated individuals who dun even care less. i hv no more motivation to stay. i hv no more mountain back me. i didn't even hv a damn kind wrd or any form of encouragement or support when i most needed it frm anyone.

n for another of my countless times, i wanna quit club, i really do. its a tiring n thankless job. i wanna be among the losers who lack sense of responsibility. i wanna leave before the situation turns too nasty. i dun wanna be the sucker vp anymore. i just wanna be ordinary me who hv time for myself n get to slp early. tis time, the feeling is v strong. its v real. n surprisingly, it doesn't feel as bad as i expected it to feel.

mayb tis feeling will change tmr. but mayb it will not. i dun really hv the energy to care anymore. tis is not targetted at anybody in particular. i'm just tired of everything.